Things I'll miss
- Our ridiculous, at times completely inappropriate and at all times frustrating stubbornness.
- Catching a glimpse of your head in-between people I really don't care about
- (And you're not hard to spot, you have a total of like six shirts that you rotate every now and then)
- Walking - more realistically, shoving and pushing - through the crowd to where you're standing, making quick expressionless eye contact (I am so breezy) and continuing on my way, wondering what thought crossed your mind in that fraction of a second
- The jokes that didn't ever make much sense
- Comfortable laughs
- Simple, unspoken understanding
- How I could always count on a conversation whenever my day was crappy (and that was like 28 days out of each month)
- The long, long talks every night that were the reason homework wasn't finished and bedtime came at 1, sometimes 2
- How I told you absolutely everything (too much, apparently)
- Your sober, practical, slightly jealous point of view that I turned to when the girls' got overcliched and annoying
- Your taste in music that I rarely liked
- Your equally strange taste in movies that were usually overdone
- Except for When Harry Met Sally, that one was good. And I remember that's not where everything started with us but it just made things more complicated.
- Your hands, which were so rough from doing what you love to do (that's what she said (not really heheh (well kind of... but that's not what I mean)))
- Your endless search for a fitting compliment that just ended up making me laugh anyway
- How you could always notice the small things, but didn't always understand them
- Watching you stand all cute and shy at Starbucks
- How, no matter how amazing of a day I was having in New York, I couldn't wait to get to the hotel room to tell you all about it
- Which reminds me: I'll miss calling you in the airport to say goodbye, in case our plane crashed
- Directing my many AIM statuses at you
- Singing (and I think it's time to agree that I am loads better)
- Making faces when I should have been paying attention during a class with a teacher FROM THE DARKEST PITS OF HELL
- The couch, your laptop burning your thighs
- (I watched that show till the end, you know. The very last episode.)
- Your face when it got really, really serious. Which, honestly, scared me a little
- Your naive plans for us, for me. Didn't I tell you it was a one-way road I was on?
- How you were outside your house barefoot in December talking to me on the phone because you couldn't do it otherwise
- Most importantly, I'll miss how you forgave me. You forgave me for my little Christmas surprise, and you forgave me for what happened the day after.
But dammit, I wish you'd forgive me for my choice. Now that the year is winding down and I'm getting ready to pack my bags for the Dominican, there's nothing I want more than to leave on a good note. You say you're over it, but you clearly haven't moved past it. Obviously, things will not go back to normal; but they sure as hell aren't gonna move anywhere if you keep them at this stalemate. You've gotta start somewhere. One word, some effort. What you're afraid of won't even matter now since we may never see each other again. There'll be no more glances, no more smiles -
There’ll be no more grabbing my hand to pat it as one of our many inside jokes and no more sharing the worst pickup lines that involve touching body parts of the opposite sex (in appropriate places, of course). No more yelling across the hall about how great my ass looks in those jeans because you knew that made me insanely uncomfortable, and you’ve always enjoyed my misery.
I miss being just friends. I guess I never got used to it.
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