From the confines of a dark, stuffy bedroom

So I caved - I did do some thinking in the past 48 bedridden hours. Because after my stomach was full and my eyes started burning from the TV, there was nothing else left for me to do.

In all this thinking and contemplating, I've figured out the meaning of life. Honestly. I understood the reason we are all here on this earth, living and breathing and avoiding death, the reason we're all struggling to get ahead in school and work and love. The point behind everything. And it's simple. Ready? We do it for happiness. And this isn't a discovery, it was pretty much the first thing we learned in ethics class (after Jahshan's rendition of Plato's "is this a real desk, or isn't it??"). But, just as with all good things, it gets more complicated than just being happy.

For a long time, I used to think love and relationships were the most important thing in the world. Like that quote from Heroes: "So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other." What good is a load of money without anyone to share it with? For me personally, I don't think this outlook will ever change. But lately I've been around different kinds of people - scientists, librarians, donors - people who live for another cause. And then I get to thinking about people like Tibetan monks - I mean, they sit in one position for days and weeks and YEARS and get more kick out of doing that than anything else.

Then maybe happiness is relative for every single individual. This seems like a obvious statement, but someone whose ultimate goal isn't finding love? To me that sounds absurd, to them it makes complete sense. To the people whose craft is the most important thing in their lives, the people that give it their all. And that's where they choose to focus their love: the scientist in his creation, the librarian in the world of knowledge and imagination, the donor in alleviating pain for the greatest number of people. And with all the love they give to their work, they can't possibly equally share it with another person. And this makes sense. They've found their happiness.

Then there are people like me - and I'm assuming this is the majority of us - who really will only find meaning and purpose in each other. When life throws us lemons or limes or whatever other shitty bundle of bitterness it has, we turn to our that one other person for comfort. And if we do find someone who can give us that comfort in any shitty situation, we can say we've truly achieved happiness.

But wait! It still gets more complicated. There is not a single functional relationship without problems. Like a stand-up comedian once said, "if you've never contemplated suicide, you've never been in love; if you've never contemplated murder, you've never had a divorce". Just when we think we've hit that happy peak, everything comes crashing down in another fight or misunderstanding.

And that, right there, is the point: nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy. The scientist goes through countless failed experiments, but calls it 'success in finding what doesn't work'. The monk has every part of his body fall asleep ten times over before he feels that special tingly feeling monks are supposed to feel to reassure themselves that what they're doing is the greatest of all. And we hurt. A lot. We get cheated on, ignored, deserted, forgotten about, taken for granted, lied to, replaced, and rejected. But we put ourselves out there again, and again, and again. And the only reason for that stupid risk is the extremely ridiculous, incomparable happiness that is right up there with love.

So don't give up. Things don't just work out for people even if they are in love. You have to fight for it, work through it, breathe in it. Forget all the "if it's meant to be, it'll work out" crap. True - it does require some chance and luck, and sometimes second chance. But that's all you're going to get - a chance. What you do with it is up to you. Will you stay engaged to Lon, or get into the car and drive your butt back to that town to see Noah?

Don't wait until the chance is gone. Then you will just end up sitting in a dusty classroom as the summer leaves give way to cold September, wondering how in hell two years flew by so fast.