List of the Week aka Just Friends, v. 2

This week, the post features a list of things I will miss about this boy. I was thinking of writing it entry-style like I did at the end of last year, but figured this way I'll kill both birds. After all, what better theme for a list of the week than a run down memory lane full of uncomfortable, awkward, kinda-makes-you-cringe-every-time-you-think-about-them sweet old memories? This time there's a lot more to say anyway.

Things I'll miss

1. Our ridiculous, at times completely inappropriate and at all times frustrating stubbornness.
2. Catching a glimpse of your head in-between people I really don't care about
3. (And you're not hard to spot, you have a total of like six shirts that you rotate every now and then)
4. Walking - more realistically, shoving and pushing - through the crowd to where you're standing, making quick expressionless eye contact (I am so breezy) and continuing on my way, wondering what thought crossed your mind in that fraction of a second
5. The jokes that didn't ever make much sense
6. Comfortable laughs
7. Simple, unspoken understanding
8. How I could always count on a conversation whenever my day was crappy (and that was like 28 days out of each month)
9. The long, long talks every night that were the reason homework wasn't finished and bedtime came at 1, sometimes 2
10. How I told you absolutely everything (too much, apparently)
11. Your sober, practical, slightly jealous point of view that I turned to when the girls' got overcliched and annoying
12. Your taste in music that I rarely liked
13. Your equally strange taste in movies that were usually overdone
14. Except for When Harry Met Sally, that one was good. And I remember that's not where everything started with us but it just made things more complicated.
15. Your hands, which were so rough from doing what you love to do (that's what she said (not really heheh (well kind of... but that's not what I mean)))
16. Your endless search for a fitting compliment that just ended up making me laugh anyway
17. How you could always notice the small things, but didn't always understand them
18. Watching you stand all cute and shy at Starbucks
19. How, no matter how amazing of a day I was having in New York, I couldn't wait to get to the hotel room to tell you all about it
20. Which reminds me: I'll miss calling you in the airport to say goodbye, in case our plane crashed
21. Directing my many AIM statuses at you
22. Singing (and I think it's time to agree that I am loads better)
23. Making faces when I should have been paying attention during a class with a teacher FROM THE DARKEST PITS OF HELL
24. The couch, your laptop burning your thighs
25. (I watched that show till the end, you know. The very last episode.)
26. Your face when it got really, really serious. Which, honestly, scared me a little
27. Your naive plans for us, for me. Didn't I tell you it was a one-way road I was on?
28. How you were outside your house barefoot in December talking to me on the phone because you couldn't do it otherwise
29. Most importantly, I'll miss how you forgave me. You forgave me for my little Christmas surprise, and you forgave me for what happened the day after.

But dammit, I wish you'd forgive me for my choice. Now that the year is winding down and I'm getting ready to pack my bags for the Dominican, there's nothing I want more than to leave on a good note. You say you're over it, but you clearly haven't moved past it. Obviously, things will not go back to normal; but they sure as hell aren't gonna move anywhere if you keep them at this stalemate. You've gotta start somewhere. One word, some effort. What you're afraid of won't even matter now since we may never see each other again. There'll be no more glances, no more smiles -

There’ll be no more grabbing my hand to pat it as one of our many inside jokes and no more sharing the worst pickup lines that involve touching body parts of the opposite sex (in appropriate places, of course). No more yelling across the hall about how great my ass looks in those jeans because you knew that made me insanely uncomfortable, and you’ve always enjoyed my misery.


I miss being just friends. I guess I never got used to it.



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List of the Week

A lot has happened recently. Or to be more honest, not much has happened but a lot has changed. In any case, I'll be posting details of this bit by bit over the next few days, but to get me started here is the official Monday list. Unfortunately, I can't take credit for this genius creation, but I saw it on an advertisement in an airport cafe many years ago and still think whoever wrote it deserves the Pulitzer prize. Or at least a booty shake.

25 Reasons why Chocolate is Better than a Man

1. Chocolate is rich, dark, and satisfying.
2. You're never disappointed when you open the wrapper.
3. Chocolate doesn't care how many pieces you've eaten before.
4. Chocolate always hits the spot.
5. Chocolate doesn't always secretly want to be eaten by your best friend.
6. Chocolate doesn't think the shopping channel is stupid.
7. Chocolate always smells good.
8. Chocolate won't ask "Am I the best?" or "How was it?"
9. It doesn't sulk when you don't want it first thing in the morning.
10. Chocolates are easy to pick up.
11. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
12. You can suck a piece of chocolate even in front of your mother.
13. Chocolate never leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
14. Chocolate doesn't mind what time of the month it is.
15. You don't mind the brown stains left by chocolate.
16. With chocolate, size doesn't really matter. It's always good.
17. You can read the label and know what it's made of.
18. Chocolates do not wear white socks.
19. Chocolate doesn't mind when you bite its nuts.
20. With chocolates, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
21. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
22. You can have more than one chocolate a night without ruining your reputation.
23. Chocolate doesn't just think it's smooth.
24. Chocolates aren't into rope or leather.
25. You can tell just by looking at it, that it hasn't been in anyone else's mouth.

Check out the poster here. Forget men, give me a Milky Way.


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EARLY list of the week

I will make the official monday List of the Week tomorrow, but since I haven't updated in ten years, this week will have two. So, to kick things off, here is a special Sunday edition.

List of reasons why I love Deniz

1. She laughs at all of my jokes. Seriously. Even the bad ones.
2. Therefore we both have an identical, and purely awesome, sense of humor.
3. In the most embarrassing situations, she will make a miserable puppy face and then erupt in sad laughter, which makes everyone around erupt in real laughter and then she forgets why she was sad in the first place
4. She is there in all of my sing-trip-and-fall moments, and she never fails to point and elicit this manly BWHA before closing her eyes and holding her stomach because the laughter is so intense it can make her pee
5. Her sarcastic moments are so painfully obvious that each time she has one, I remember why I fell in love with this talent that is only perfected by a few.
6. She has this magical way of making me laugh after I think I'll never smile again
7. She is the most genuine person I've ever met, hands down. She gives the most heartfelt advice even on issues she's never come close to dealing with, and even if that advice is off-base, the idea that she only means the best is enough to heal a real shitty mood
8. She says things like "agility" and "booger" in reference to people
9. She wanted me to be in her senior showcase dance. So of course I love her for that.
10. Her mother's reading list includes comic books, travel magazines, and the Twilight series
11. She's going to a college just a few hours away from where I'll be staying, in a state that has a bowling alley. And a mall!
12. She falls in love with boys who do nice things, like hold the door or pick up eggshells. Therefore it is not uncommon if she is in love with 6 guys at the same time
13. If I do something strange in a public place, like pull my head down to my plate at a restaurant and make whale noises into the glass cup because I like the effect the arrangement of glass makes on my voice, she'll pull her head down and whale along with me
14. If I bitch about someone, she bitches about that person using bigger and better words. See reason #8 above
15. There aren't enough reasons in the world to describe why I love this ridiculously special person, but if you haven't had the chance to get to know her, you're missing out on a huge chunk of life. It's like going to Great America and not going on Invertigo. So next time you see Deniz, smile and wave, and she'll undoubtedly light up and do the same for you.

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List of the Week

Masha, Deniz, and Kaytee's list of deal breakers for potential relationships

1. Guys who talk about things they did with their exes - "these girls probably won't want their ex-boyfriends talking about them like that," said KT, "and I really don't want to hear about it."
2. Guys who just keep talking about themselves and don't ask questions - "they don't actually honestly care about what you do," KT exclaimed. (She really got into this)
3. Guys who don't open the door for you - can you guess which one of us suggested this one?
4. Guys who swear too much, because they're usually just trying to sound cool
5. Guys to talk crap about their friends. I actually didn't believe this one because I thought guy bonds were the strongest, but if this is true, you are messed up.
6. Guys who eat messily
7. Guys who are too conceited
8. Guys who have a swagger walk - "Not thinking of anyone in particular," said KT while looking outside the yearbook room at a passerby, limping like a wangster ("or a chigga," adds Stephanie as I'm writing this post)
   
9. Addendum to #8: Guys whose pants are ridiculously baggy
10. Guys who frequently tease girls that they like (Masha doesn't mind this one)
11. Guys who lie. Just no excuse.
12. Guys who talk too much. ex: "Hey that reminds me of a time when..." each time you start a story
13. Guys who show up late on dates - "It's OK if they're picking you up, but not when you're meeting them somewhere," KT clarifies.
14. Guys who think 5-year-old jokes are funny (KT is okay with this one)
15. Guys who treat you like you're 5 years old

List of things we like

1. Guys who treat their sisters well. :)
   

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List of the Week

By popular demand, the 11,002 things to be miserable about are back.

1. Cures discovered after a disease has killed a member of your family
2. People with a name like Herman Hermanson
3. Children who want to be lawyers when they grow up
4. The sex lives of early Puritans
5. Abandoned conversations
6. Fat people who complain that they're skinny
7. The book selection at provincial libraries
8. Sex scenes with aging actors
9. Young Germans who are afraid to ask what their grandparents did
10. Journalists who lose their jobs to bloggers (hehehe)
11. Poems with secret political agendas
12. Scientists paid by tobacco companies to cast doubt on evidence that smoking kills
13. Job recruiters finding drunken photos of you on social networking sites
14. The 400,000 people on the government's terror watch list
15. The mansions of drug lords
16. Doctors who rape their patients
17. Children who are never invited to birthday parties
18. Hurricane Katrina
19. The federal government's response to Hurricane Katrina
20. Waiting for acceptance letters

Happy Tuesday!


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(The much overdue) List of the Week

This week's List of the Week, inspired by my recent outing to see He's Just Not That Into You, is designed to serve as a first-date manual for how to NOT make yourself seem nuttier than a jar of chunky peanut butter. Sorry, boys. This list is femme-oriented.

Questions you shouldn’t ask even though you really want to

1. Are you comfortable using the word “hot” to describe a guy? What about, like, Johnny Depp?
   
2. Will you be shocked/disappointed/delighted/indifferent (circle one) to find out I swear like a sailor?
   
3. Are you a long-distance-relationship kinda guy?
   
4. Does your room look like the violent end of the Cold War?
   
5. Do you know how to spell in text messages?
   
6. How often do you shower? Honestly now?
   
7. Do you agree that Valentine’s Day is a shameless consumer holiday with no real romantic substance whatsoever?
   
8. What would you say if I told you I can’t go a day without singing and must practice my vocal skills at hourly intervals with tunes from “Chicago” and “Hairspray”?
   
9. Do you have a weird infatuation with comic books or some other 8th-grade-boy crap?
   
10. Please identify the following cultural references so I know I can hang around you for more than an hour without awkward silences:
    

• “What has two thumbs and doesn’t give a crap?”
  
• “We were on a break!”
  
• “Doesn’t any of this look familiar?” “Well yeah! Here is my favorite leaf. How could I forget this place?”
  
• “I doubt she gave you the stink eye. That’s just how her face looks, you know? That’s just her face.”
  
• “And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.”
  

Questions you should probably ask for lack of anything else remotely interesting

1. What was the last good, and I mean friggin’ good, movie you saw?
   
2. What do you want to do in ten years?
   
3. If you could pick any place in the world, where would you live?
   
4. What’s playing on your iPod right now?
   
5. Cats or dogs?
   
6. What’s the last book you read for pleasure?
   
7. Chocolate or vanilla? What, vanilla? Excuse me, I have to go home to take care of my sick sister.
   

Questions too inappropriate for the ‘don’t ask’ category

1. Are you Catholic? Like devoted Catholic or fallen-from-the-grace-of-God Catholic?
   
2. If you chose option 2 in the previous question, how long does your silly little mind reckon it’ll take you to get in my pants?
   
3. Do you have any warts, lesions, pimples, and/or backne in unusual places that I should know about?
   
4. Have you ever shopped at stores like Spencer’s or Hot Stuff? If so, what articles did you purchase?
   
5. Is that a beer gut, or are you going to tell me you’re big-boned?
   
6. Have you ever named your privates (if you answer “no”, you’re a liar), and did the name(s) include any combination of Jack, Richard, Pee-Wee, Gladiator, or Massive Sword of Masculinity?
   

Questions you should ask if your date is a jackass, smoker, or a complete tool, and you want to drive him away

1. You’re cool with dating a commie, right?
   
2. Have you ever seen a used tampon? If you’re curious, I’m about to go to the bathroom and take one out right now, I can wrap it in toilet paper and show you if you’d like. They’re really quite mesmerizing.
   
3. What money limit do you want to set on gifts when we go Christmas shopping for each other next year?
   
4. You like Kanye? Get outta here, so did my ex-boyfriend! Quick, what do you shave with? – maybe your favorite razor brand matches, too!
   
5. Can you try to be more like Edward Cullen?
   
6. What do you mean, who’s Edward Cullen? Did you not do your homework before going on this date?!
   
7. When do you want to get married? I think two years from now would be good, we’d have just enough time to book the wedding band and pick out the cake decorations.
   
8. Are you cool with meeting my mother tomorrow? And don't worry, I informed her you’re coming, she already shaved her legs.
   

Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.
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List of the Week

As stated in previous post, this is an excerpt from the book "11,002 things to be miserable about".

1. Death
2. Life
3. Hitler
4. Erectile dysfunction
5. Blind dates with ugly people
6. Monday mornings
7. Broken condoms
8. Dead puppies
9. Models
10. The orchestra that played as the Titanic went down
11. Michael Jackson's sexual proclivities
12. The Third World
13. Driver's license photos
14. Calculus
15. Butt acne
16. Gas station bathrooms
17. Asparagus
18. Having to hear about other people's babies
19. Memoirs by people who are boring
20. Memoirs by people who are more interesting than you
21. The Hilton sisters
22. Chlamydia
23. Oedipus
24. Men who pose for pictures with their cars
25. Standardized tests
26. The fall of Rome
27. Children decapitated by roller coaster malfunctions
28. Planned phone dates to catch up with friends
29. Fat camp
30. Armed rebels in Nigeria
31. The Vietcong
32. Bad kissers
33. Dogs that lick you after drinking out of the toilet
34. Morning sickness
35. Forgotten children wandering the aisles of grocery stores
36. Cell phone bills
37. Insults prefaced by "No offense, but"
38. Accidentally being touched somewhere inappropriate
39. Being touched somewhere inappropriate on purpose
40. Musicals about the Holocaust

This is definitely not the last time this book will make it onto the blog. The stuff's just too funny to pass up.
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List of the week

Masha and Tina's list of things that are eternal:

1. Love
2. Taxes
3. Scandalous photographs that never leave the internet
4. Greasy hair
5. "Titanic"
6. Death
7. That one sock that never has a match
8. Hugh Laurie
9. Men's tendency to wear socks + sandals
10. Wrinkles on dress shirts
11. collegeboard.com

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List of the week

Some of the best decisions I've ever made:

1. Search "how to _______" on Google and come across a blog by an amazing writer that I still read daily
2. Not purposely fail the entrance exam at Harker
3. Join yearbook
4. Buy a little something that's pink and shiny
5. Not follow Juno's advice
6. Take Pandich's AP U.S. history class

Some of the worst decisions I've ever made:

1. Take AP Spanish Literature
2. Slack off first semester senior year
3. Watch an episode of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager"
4. Every decision I made on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008 (with the possible exception of taking Marina's keys to re-park her car while she was in Tahoe so her dad wouldn't notice she went driving at night)
5. Stay home alone last Thanksgiving break
6. Think that I could make any rational decision while I was hormonally overdosed

Decisions whose outcome, good or bad, is still pending:

1. Stay up until 4:30 writing my Anna Karenina essay
2. Start talking again

That last one pertains to today.

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