The best themed holiday since sliced bread

In honor of it finally being love-joy-and-cuddly-bunnies-happiness day, I'll write a bit about how I'm spending February aka National Singles Awareness month (I like to substitute the A for Awesomeness). For every day of the month, I've designated a special holiday to help me balance out my hate for the fourteenth. I hate Valentine's day, single or not - it's nothing but a consumer company Christmas morning as hundreds of giddly men empty their wallets for diamonds and dinner reservations like they're not supposed to be sweet to their women all the time.

Okay, so I mentioned that I made reservations as well. But that doesn't count because it's a casual friends-only dinner. And that's actually what I wanted to mention - this month of celebrating has been absolutely wonderful. Let's recap:

~ February 5: Fuzzy Socks and Granny Panties day

Went out to dinner with my mom to La Strada, stuffed myself to the maximum with pasta, salad, coffee, and chocolate souffle. Small portions, but great quality. Too lazy/unwilling to do homework when I came home at 8, I pulled on my blue fuzzy socks and enjoyed a carefree, irresponsible evening of Scrubs.

~ February 6: Girls' Night Out day

Didn't work out so well with Jessica's boyfriend there, defeating the purpose of reaping in the benefits of singledom, but it showed me something I suspected before. As I watched Jess and Stevo argue about random things - nothing consequential, but long enough to notice Stevo's exasperated face - I saw the very reason why being unattached can rock your socks. No need to worry about the other person's feelings, no need to check in with where you are and what you're doing, no need to consider their opinion when making plans. Of course, there's a time for relationships, but everyone needs a time for this, too.

~ February 7: Buy yourself flowers day

Many people chuckled when I told them about the theme of this day, but it makes perfect sense to me. It's not about pretending you're not pathetic enough to pick out a bouquet and think someone cares about you; it's like going out and buying diamond earrings for yourself because you can, because you deserve it, and because spending money on pretty crap gives you a warm feeling in your tummy. And in my defense, flowers won't bankrupt my wallet.

~ February 8: Hit on someone twice your age day

Well, my mom's friend did take me out to Los Gatos to practice for my driving test, but this theme was more of a joke. Something to laugh at. Ha ha.

~ February 9: I'm not sharing anything day (& spa with Leeza)

This is also Friend's birthday, and, honestly, his best birthday I've ever had. Priya stopped by in the afternoon, and the three of us finished the spinach bolani and watched a few rounds of Sex and the City - very fitting, as Carrie was just becoming friends with Big. At 5 Leeza and I gave up our spa certificates and met two friendly masseuses, who rubbed oil on our backs for 45 minutes. Destress galore. I spent the night at Jess' house reminiscing about the past four years and making plans for the future.

~ February 10: Dinner out by yourself and eat as obnoxiously as you want day

Somewhere in the middle of that dinner (a Classic Italian Quiznos sub, ridiculously delicious), a decision was made that may very well change the course of the rest of the month. The evening ended at Culture Frozen Yogurt, with a two-hour conversation with Friend about what's happened and where do we go from here. We go left, we decided. And although the outcome of that decision is still pending, I hope that was the right way to go.

~ February 11: I am so much hotter than his new girlfriend day

Considering that none of my ex-boyfriends that I still keep in touch with actually have new girlfriends, this was also a joke theme, although I enjoyed coming up with the idea.

~ February 12: Boycott everything red, pink, and heartshaped day

A nice day at home in my PJs, made a mexican casserole that is already halfway eaten (mostly by me). Take that, mother. "You can't cook." Psh.

~ February 13: Drive out by yourself & buy something expensive day

Got my license, which was what the theme was betting on. Unfortunately, mom had the car all day at work, so the shopping trip was postponed until today. If you want to know the events of yesterday, possibly the best day of the month so far, read the post below.

And so this brings us to today, proudly named - are you ready for this? - Thank god I didn't catch your crabs day! As much of a joke as this theme is, I came up with it for all the single ladies (now put your hands up) out there who, on this fine consumer holiday, will remember their last failed relationshp, scrunch their nose and say, "thank god I didn't settle for that."

Oh, and Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen's daughter is named Olive. Go figure.